He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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