So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
