For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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