I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
