I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
