Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
