Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
