gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
