just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
