I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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