I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
