I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
