god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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