At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
