I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i out mim tonsoeep
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
