never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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