i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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