I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
