You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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