OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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