My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
