I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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