Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable