I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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