happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
