he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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