your parents love me but you hate me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
