You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shame is for Republicans.
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