Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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