So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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