Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
