u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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