You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.