drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.