well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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