he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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