With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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