we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
