"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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