I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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