Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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