Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
