you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
