I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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