he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
