How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
