Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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