I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
These tits shall not be calmed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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