So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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