You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
