i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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