Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
