Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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