So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
