wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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