I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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