The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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