If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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