Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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