I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
