plz talk dirty to me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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