there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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