i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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