i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
