She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
