I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
