can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Houston, we have a blender
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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