Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
