If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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