Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
